Some days I am led to believe I was raised in the Neanderthal era, California in the early 80’s. It happened again. I was reading an article on a site called Everyday Feminism. It was an article about the over sexualization of women of color. It wasn’t a bad article, quasi reporter quasi bio, and I even read about the author at the bottom of the page. This was unusual because most journalists are instructed to write a catchy title to make people click on the article and then deliver practically no content. Here was an article that put forward points based on people’s experiences, and didn’t try to solve or dissolve the issue by ranting or charts.
So slightly encouraged about the website’s integrity, I read along the right side of the screen the titles of other articles that Everyday Feminism was offering. Hmmm something about five easy ways to talk to your ("potential") partner about your sexual preferences. I had just been to a tax talk at a women’s group coaching women to talk about money issues with their partners. Frankly both subjects are ones that I’d rather avoid and go wash windows for an hour or two and stay forever single. Maybe it’s not the Neanderthal era that is doing me in, maybe it’s my own cowardice and insecurity.
Having been forced to listen to the tax and money talk, I thought what the hay. I will just click and see what this article has to offer for advice. Links. A link to a downloadable PDF, a seven pager, that you could print out and fill in with your potential partner or, even, your present partner. You needn’t worry about gender orientation, it's genderless. So I admit I had to google a few of the activities listed on the first two sheets. I clicked “images” and then “all” but not “maps.” Then came the part about wording: how do you want your body parts to be called and which words are not kosher by you?
I had this flashback to being twelve or thirteen and sitting in sex ed class. We were being taught guidelines like, “So if you are comfortable with a boy and you feel safe, then you can consider exploring…” We are, in 2016, a whole lot further than that fuzzy wuzzy incertitude. A PDF folks. Wow, I thought, you can define your intimacy, like right down in words in your own house. Concept.
I clicked further, the link to a site called Scarleteen. It’s for teenagers. When are you ready for sex? The site provides a checklist. A checklist. A flipping checklist. I mean back in the 80’s man there was no checklist. What are you getting yourself into with whomever? And then the link to what constitutes intimacy? Another great web page filled will the catagories of intimacy: emotional, spiritual and physical.
Well then. That’s a bit of a relief to read I must say, especially in this day and age of internet contact. And you're welcome for the tip.